benji

2017 - 2026

Benji took his last breath in my arms surrounded by my entire family, his favorite people. It was peaceful and he was not in pain. He didn’t let the cancer dim his light.
I originally wanted to get my mom a puppy. When I found a litter, the breeder told me to take a look at the one with the white collar. He had a crooked tail and wasn’t getting picked out. I picked up Mr. white collar and never even looked at another. It was Benji. He had a quiet, steady demeanor even as a puppy. She was a kooky old lady with a few loose screws, but she pulled me aside and with absolute clarity she told me this dog will very possibly be with me for the most formative years of my life. I never forgot that.
I quickly developed a shadow in the form of a golden cotton ball. He chose me even when I kept trying to convince myself he wasn’t mine. Benji got me out of the house everyday. He kept me accountable and taught me responsibility. He was my reprieve from the hard days, a beacon to finding myself again. After our move to LA, with his help, we made new friends and established a routine affectionately referred to as “park time.” Day by day, he and I built a little community. What I realize looking back now, is that I needed him more than he needed me. He and I understood each other on a level that was beyond a sense of verbal communication. He was an extension of me, the mirror image of my soul and he took a piece of it when he left. I never had to face a single day of adulthood without knowing I’d be coming home to him. It’ll be hard to know how to come home without him because he’s always been my home.
I was “the girl with the golden” or “Benji’s mom” around the gym and the neighborhood. A title I wore proudly. It took a stranger two seconds to realize how special Benji was. He loved attention and carried his own leash for crowds of people on the beach, but even in the biggest crowd, he only ever looked for me.
Benji, thank you for loving me unconditionally. I wish you could understand 1/1,000th of the love I have for you. You were the greatest gift I never knew I needed. My greatest joy was being the other half of our package deal. I still feel your presence in the quiet moments. I’ll miss you every day for as long as I live. I can’t wait to see you again my boy, and I know I will.

Your best friend,
Courtney